Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 


While I was on the bus ride home, I happened to look out the window and saw in passing a man who had one of the Japanese "I Would Kill For Haruhi Suzumiya" shirts. No doubt some of you are immediately impressed with my sudden ability to read kanji and hiragana. And while I'm not one to dissuade the reverent worship of me by the masses...I still can't read Japanese, but I recognize the shirt design from my forrays onto JList.

And no, I'm not looking for H-dojin there. Mel's compeito addiction has to be filled by special international orders.

So there. (Ha!)

Labels: my blog would kill for Haruhi (but only if she promised to make me look like Hugh Jackman when she reset the world)

posted by Phillip at 4:32 PM

 


…Which is certainly much better than the alternative “fear and loathing with Los Plagos.” Then again, if Los Plagos was involved, I’d at least be able to grab a shotgun and take out any personal aggravations on the nearest person whose head exploded into a writhing mass of axe-like tentacles. It’s the best kind of therapy, really: each zombiesque corpse you leave behind is another step forward to personal recovery…and a lower ammo stockpile, so that arms dealer with the trenchcoat had better show up soon.

There’s been a fair bit of radio silence from this little bit of nowhere. Most of it’s been voluntary. The long and the short of everything is that July has proven to be, with a handful of shiny notable exceptions, a rather bleak and disparaging month; the sort of month I will be cheerfully waving good-bye to once August mercilessly mows it down. And considering how punishing August is for me in terms of the job and the “Oh my God, did all these idiots plan ahead to show up to buy their Back-To-School shit at the same time?!” insanity, it sadly attests to how little love I have for July ‘09.

Wait! You there in the front row with the pants primed for drive-by bukkake! This is not Emo-Blog! If it were anything, it would be the Champagne Room, and there would be no Wangsting in said room. (Sex, on the other hand, is fine, so long as you have a safety word, no goats and the discretion to keep your voice down. Other people are trying to play a game checkers in this room, you know.)

The silver linings in the July-shaped cloud are worth mentioning, of course, even if they are in brief anecdotal form.

First and foremost, congrats to Diana & Mark on their newfound bundle of “What the hell did he do to this diaper?!” joy. Apparently, Mel’s going to videotape me changing diapers once we have kids, mostly just so she can loop the video and laugh and laugh and laugh at my horrified voice.

I also had the chance to sit down with most of my family again, with my Dad visiting my sister to see his grand-daughter for the first time. It’s been 2 years since the three of us were all in a room together. Strangely enough, that previous occasion was my sister’s wedding. But it was a rare chance for all of us to lounge about (amidst feedings and diaper changes) and basically revert back to the way we were when we used to live under a singular roof. I never realized how much I missed it until I was back in KW again. At the very least, Mel & I need to get down to Nova Scotia to see my Dad (and most of the Smith family) before 2010 is out.

…and one time zone away, there’s the sound of Ysa cheering upon reading that last line. And no doubt she’s also plotting how to get me so drunk one night that I’ll wake up the next day wearing (gasp!) pants and find myself in possession of a Dreamwidth account.

Terrifying, I know. I shall have to be on my guard the entire time.

The other unique July experience is one I don’t think I’ll ever experience again, so it’s worth mentioning here: last week, one of the blue budgies escaped from the pet store in the mall. After an entire morning and most of the afternoon flitting about, she decided our store made the ideal roost.

Imagine my surprise when I heard the distinctive chirping out in the hall (the sort that was definitely someone’s ringtone), followed swiftly by a little blur of colour shooting into the store. The budgie perched herself on the topmost row of merchandise we had: a row of duffle bags atop our shelves. Whenever we looked up, all we could see was this little blue, feathery head staring back down at us.

Fortuitously, the security guard happened to be in the hallway at the time, and already knew why there was a budgie in our store. He’d been trying to find the bird during his rounds, but I guess our store was the first one the budgie had settled into. So for the next 15 minutes we were serenaded with the sounds of budgie chirps, and living in abject fear of being pooped on.

(Spoiler: no poop was flung.)

Eventually, the pet store was able to spare an employee to come in and capture the budgie. It took our store ladder, a special bird net and two failed attempts (wherein our Little Miss Budgie took off at the last possible second, flew around the store once or twice, then settled on a different duffle bag) before she left our lives as unexpectedly as she’d arrived.

And that’s just about it for the July highlights. I know there’s still another few days left of the month, so ideally July will behave and leave us pleasantly to our own devices--not to confused with Cool Devices, unless we’re dubbers behaving badly. If things go well, this might close out on a more positive note.

On the other hand, this little bit of nowhere also gives me the chance to utterly break the melancholic mood with…Handerpants!!!


http://www.handerpants.com/


Yes indeed, the Intarwebs knows no boundaries when it comes to WTFery. I can only assume this is our attempt to one-up Japan for its back-in-the-day used panty vending machines.

Labels: Bye Bye Budgie, Fear and Loathing of Los Plagos, The Titular Rise And Fall of Spongebob Handipants, Why must all these tabs end with bukkake

posted by Phillip at 4:35 AM